Faith, Not Feelings
It’s 5 AM and pitch black dark in this house. The heat hasn’t raised yet from the overnight low. I open my eyes to the blind of it all—eyes wide but seeing nothing—eyes wide and feeling everything. Too much. I feel TOO MUCH. The anxiousness I know too well greets me, first thing. Oh, I’ve […]
Always, Joy
He said it to me flat out, like he couldn’t wrap his head around the mystery of me . . . “I’m shocked that you sound so . . . JOYFUL. You’ve been through so much in your life that would have buried so many others. And yet, you just exude this joy.” We had […]
All Ands and No Buts
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to uproot, A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, A time to […]
The Fix and the Fixer
I started my reply to her email the other day like this . . . My dear friend! I can feel your aching heart! I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better. But we both know better. I can’t. You can’t. We just can’t make all these huge problems go away. […]
Running on Empty?
Today is the day for emptying. I’ll give you the pretty and spare you the other. Let’s just say that the “prep process” has begun for my procedure early tomorrow—the one I’ve been avoiding for FIVE YEARS. Since we’ve blown through our insurance deductible for the year, we’re racing to the finish, scheduling as many […]
Anxiety and Joy: How to Live with Contrasts
What a week! What a life! I descend the stairs of our home, completely dark still at 5:45 AM except for a nightlight glowing by the front door. I click it off. I can’t bear to turn on the lights ‘til I get to the kitchen. Then, I go from one extreme to the other. […]
Prophecy, End Times, and Seeking the Son with My Dog
If our dog were a human, she’d be a beach bum, I’m quite certain. Her days consist of eating, drinking, running around like a Tasmanian devil dog, and seeking those sun spots to stretch out and relax, to bask in the warmth. She’s pretty simple actually. She doesn’t read books or worry much, at least […]
Harvest Blessings
The farm draws boys. Teenage boys, specifically. There are all those cut trails meandering through wildflower prairie and around cattail ponds, perfect for dirt bikes and ATVs and airsoft gun wars. They come donning their pants, vests, and hats—all in camo—thinking they look oh, so cool. And they do dumb things—which left one, our son, […]
Beautiful Dying
Here on the farm the dying has begun. And dying can be quite beautiful, actually. Brilliant dogwood flaming red, yellowing aspens and birch, sugar maples blazing orange—all stand center stage against blue sky backdrop. Because they’re dying. They’re bleeding out green, being replaced with orange, red, yellow. Those turning are not exactly more beautiful—just a […]